Sexual Communication and Why You Need It

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            Sex; we’ll discuss it openly with friends, watch it depicted on television, and read countless articles about it. In fact, we’ll often discuss it with just about anyone except the people that matter most: our partners. Let’s be honest; talking openly about sex can be a bit awkward and quite stressful. With such a sensitive subject matter, we often fear rejection and embarrassment. Despite this, those tough conversations are most definitely worth having as they can ultimately lead to much more rewarding and pleasurable sexual experiences for both you and your partner.
            Talking about sex can seem like a very daunting task. Making a discussion out of something that television and media constantly depicts as spontaneous and passion-fueled can seem unnecessary. In the real world, however, individual desires and boundaries can be more difficult to decipher than with scripted television characters. Open communication provides an opportunity for a big, sexy, enthusiastic yes but also an opportunity for an equally important expression of refusal or withdrawn consent. Making an assumption about what somebody is comfortable with can lead to violated boundaries and damaged trust. If things seem unclear, a quick pause to ask, “Hey, are you down for ____?” can be extremely powerful. Even if the answer ends up being no, you can take pride in knowing that you and your partner have created a safe space where boundaries are respected and celebrated.
            Discussions about sex are not just for communicating boundaries. They can also be used to improve sex by discussing what works for you and what doesn’t. If it feels too unnatural to have these types of conversations casually, you can also integrate them into sex in the form of “dirty talk” or simple commands/suggestions like, “I really want you to ____ my ____ right now.” Discussing sex after the fact can also be integrated into a natural routine quite well. During post-coital cuddling, it can be as simple as saying, “You blew my mind when you lifted my hips during missionary.” The more specific you can get, the easier it will be to understand.  With more conversations of this nature, you are likely to see your partner doing more of the things you talked about and your sex will naturally improve.
            Talking openly about sex with your partner can be difficult, but the effort that it takes to initiate those difficult conversations will be worth it. Healthy and positive sex lives are dynamic. Holding open, honest, and accepting discussions about the topic of sex can lead to positive changes both inside and outside of the bedroom.                     

By Clara Chang
           
           

            

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